uhc & minigames

today i played a lot of minecraft with my brother. i made some good progress!!! really. i made several final kills in bedwars. also played uhc for the first time in my life and its hard but super fun. seriously, i wasnt that bad in it!!! especially in bedwars, i got better, really. we won a couple times. also played murder mystery - i havent played it in so loooong. anyway. 

12th day. its the end.

we had shop stuff. i bought a lot of crystals, pins & shit. it was all surprisingly cheap.

i miss you.

big events - wednesday in the castle

3 things.

the match, chess&fights, the great ball. 

i sent Ditha a drawing today and her reaction was very big. i dont know if she was embarassed or happy. i hope she liked it tho:( alex says she definetly liked it and she acted like that because it moved her so much. i dont know really, but i hope its true!!! i tried rly hard. we completely lost the sports match. i tripped over one girl and hit my hip and head. Melie couldnt stand up after a rly long run and she was lying on the ground for so long. vanessa got disqualified at one point for being too agressive-- we lost every single match. thats kinda sad. altho we have the 2nd place in chess and spell fight. i lost the first round lol. the ball was SO short. and it was dark there and i cant see in the dark so im rly lost all the time. i invited Dia to the ball, yeah cool. the music was too loud. ßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßß ss

Rose stopped hugging me so often yeaah finally im not that uncomfortable. thats bcz of Ditha's words yesterday. we had this deadly big wasplike beelike thing in our bedroom. steve took it out, thank god.  

emotional chaos tuesday

talked about dreams, amazing class. steve said today: "human ears were first created to hear Metallica's guitar solos. thats what they are for" 

we had other classes like astronomy with Ditha which was nice. potions also cool. 

dancing - surprisingly good. altho steve doesnt have ANY rhythmic sense or skills... 

we were supposed to have a chess contest n stuff but it turned out to be rpg. kind of boring but Mary's station was lovely.

okay so im dizzy and feel like i wanna faint. i cried a lot. it all started with me getting a horrible dinner. it was that breaking point to a sensory overload. Ditha noticed it and asked if i want a hug:( uwu.

Shes such a lovely person.

oh also... Dia said the n word today--- god im so disappointed. i know she might not know what it means but... still. 

also between class we watched the little witch academia with ditha (and alex, rose n others) i loved it.

beginning of the new week

origami class, dance show (we did drag), Vanessa was surprisingly nice to me today????..? D. dressed up as joker hahaa. Dia looked cool with a red wig. i painted kids' cheeks with stars yaay. also: origami class, fantastic animals, crystals and qistory. i dont have medicine for my stomach now and it hurts... and i wanna throw up. I got to know Rose yesterday and she's nice, she likes to hug a lot... and it sometimes makes me uncomfy. Also i dont know why but she reminds me of Daria. :( 

crystal class was cool, but Lily is a rude person and i dont like her. Shes like that one pretentious teacher who likes to humiliate students a bit every 5 minutes.

weekend end

we had sports. then relaxation class, it was suuper cool. everyone fell asleep. we played world of magic with some new characters. on the rpg part i played peter. i wondered for a while it must be nice to have friends. friends who care. accept you. even tho you stand out. they are still here for you.

anyway

we had OPCM, i got piranha... i remembered that game from my early childhood and started crying.

even Vanessa and Anne were nice to me today. what??? why???

chill saturday

that was a chill day today. we only had light classes like chess, boardgames, divination, slavic mythology and wand painting. im definetly getting closer with Dia. We started to call each other funny names. we played chess together, built towers with jenga, dominoes and were basically kinda close. I hope I won't develop feelings for her lmao. This day was really nice. were going to watch a movie tonight. now its shower timee. im super tired and my muscles hurt. i should do sum streching ya kno.

zootopia

we watched zootopia. it was really short lol. but now i see how people ship judie and nick. i like the colours in the film. animation of animals' ears is amazing!!! i hate judies parents lol. i like nick's aesthetic somehow. buildings and the whole scenery background is stunning.

...

we played a rpg today. i was the master of auras - i could check if someone is good or bad. it was so much fun :) yaaa,, tho we played till 2.30 am- but its fine. steve was The Game Master. Rosie introduced herself to me today, by accident. shr rly likes hugs and it seems like she likes meeting new people. itwas nice to finly play withour all the kids.

friday at camp. 5th.

today i realised that this world is the world of my teenage years. i learned so much from here. i met people. i laughed. i cried. Ditha started talking abour these things in singing class. oh also we had a singing contest. the reds made a song to the melody of pokemon opening. i realised today that i love these people. Ditha. Kate. Even Steve, who sometimes annoys me. Theodosia. they are all so precious and oh my god. :( 

ahh also i got MEAT on my vegetarian diet meal today :')))) but fortunately i ate tons of fries for dinner. (thank yall for fry donations lmao) we had sports class. tiring. our team lost. i talked with Margot today about my problems with these....... neighbours. Shes lovely and understanding. omg. i washed my hair! and took a super quick shower

4th day here

the quiz day. the day of telling alex about my struggles. i found out that she also had a bad depressive episode and harmed herself... im starting to trust her more.

also we had a class about animals like dinosaurs with Ditha and it was amazing. i loved it so much. also numbers! my number is 6. dia got 4, alex 9. 

3rd day

today was a great day. even that classes were kinda boring. runes were boring, but i like Kate more now. First aid was honestly bad, but we did it. I like Dia more and more every day. i wanna be friends... we kinda got along even with Lucia today. Me, Kate and her were playing 3 arguing sisters. I wanted to be married, and they were against it. Even kids were acting good. Really, im surprised. it came out fantastic. Today we also had dance classes with steve and... i didnt like it. i liked him more before it. And the first aid teacher was also..... very MEH. they disappointed me with meals today tho. horrible stuff. uneatable. anyway, i now can talk to Lucia, wow. 

day 2nd

im doing well today. i finally realise that i actually love myself. i believe i am a good person. today we had a history class, plants and sc game. we finished the game very quickly. Dia seems like a cool person, but shes shy. Alex, my roommate, is really cool and although we are very different, we can understand each other. i finally met Dita and now she remembers me. Margot is also getting to know me better. These kids still like me and call me Dobby, but i think they like Vanessa more. its okay. Phil recognises me sometimes i guess? Steve is doing really good as a professor. I dont like Fiona. She always shouts. And her personality is really similar to Vanessa's. Pretentious and bossy. Steve gave us today 9/10 for our room. i wonder why wasnt it 10. whatever. its not that important. i use only the bathroom that we all share in the hall, i dont want to go to Vanessa's room to go there. i dont want to talk to her or any of them. i mean, Jane is still kinda nice, but eh. She is the only person of them i could talk to. Dia seems to not fit in within their group. and thats okay. i hope she wont get closer to them, because they could hurt her too.

the first day

my roommate is super nice. the food was good. i want to meet D. where is she? anyway, it seems cool for now, even tho the bitch gang is here. 

im having a panic attack

calm     the     fuck   doooownnn pls

ur not gonna dieee pls calm down 

what to bring to camp

hashtag or this means i already packed it

# 15 tshirts

#  coat

# notebook

# a few pens

# switch

# 14 socks & underwear

# tape

# eyeshadow

# teddy bear

□ dog plushie

# soap

# deodorant

# toothpaste + toothbrush

□ hair brush

# charger

# powerbank(s)

□ jean jacket

# rainbow cap

# safety pins

# phone

# earphones!!!

# sketchbook

# pencils

# coloured pencils

# shirt for celebrations why tho? i wouldnt wear it so ye

# shampoo

# wet wipes

# frog

# stim toy

# weighted blanket

# towel

# shoes

# first aid kit

# journal

# glasses

# trainers/soft shoes

# 2 hoodies

# MEDICINE - WITH THE BOX

# school id

# book, colouring book

# water

# torch

# flip flops

# pijama top

# pijama bottom

# trousers or whatever

# camera

# masks

# pads (i may have my period:( )

# food

# binder

# dry wipes

# decor tapes

# suncream :( i hate it

# rainbow socks

# diy wand 

# scissors

# glue

# antibacterial stuff

# thrifted sweater

□ blanket

# bb cream w sponge

# sulfur soap

□ tea tree oil

# necklace

□ sewing kit

□ hair clips

# hair band

# calculator

# shower gel

bad news

well... im not going to befriend the girl i mentioned before.

why?

an old classmate told me that she was the one who used to bully them in primary for a long time. used violence, awful words, spreaded private information as gossip. thats all so terrible and i feel terrible. i finally thought i might have a friend this year. 

i lost hope now.

i'll always be alone, with no friends.

everything is a lie.

i can trust nobody 

this is too much emotion for me today, i cant handle it anymore

new friend???

today i joined a group of my new classmates on fb. theres a girl. shes so lovely! she accepted me and is queer too! also listens to the same music as me. we followed each other on twitter. thats so awesome!! maybe me and her will become friends??? maybe i"ll finally have friends????? YAAAAAAA

my bad memories

▪︎ ballet teacher :(

▪︎ girls from my ballet group never liking me

▪︎ that girl that bullied me in dance class

▪︎ ballet school headmistress who yelled at me for something that wasn't my fault

▪︎ lied to by my classmates just to make fun of me

▪︎ swimming teacher forcing making me jump down and i was scared

▪︎ my best friend telling me she will kill herself every day for like 2years

▪︎ kids in preschool laughing at my face expression and putting toothpaste in my dinner to laugh at me

▪︎ that one kid who bit me on my arm

▪︎ having nightmares every day for like a year or two

▪︎ experiencing anorexia

▪︎ my best friends leaving me

▪︎ falling down the escalator

▪︎ first church confession

▪︎ older students talking shit about me

▪︎ my friends family problems

• my ex

bmc!

i watched be more chill musical.

jeremy is stupid, but the whole thing is nice to watch. its not like very clever or stuff but really enjoyable. and I LOVE MICHAEL MELL!!!

lucifer s. 2

i watched s. 2 of lucifer today with my family. its not like the best series ever, but i enjoyed it. maybe someday i'll watch s.1 and the following ones too. so my review - pretty enjoyable, although the plot feels kinda clique to me.

watched hamilton again

how many times am i gonna watch hamilton??? also i thought i wont cry but i was already sobbing during My Shot. its the 4th song. or the 3rd?

art is dead - bo burnham

theres just something about this song. i love it