home

this house makes me feel sad everytime im here. everything about this room reminds me of sad stuff. i dont want to be here i feel so bad 

half of 2025 - crying wrapped

times a month i cried:

JAN: 2

FEB: 7

MAR: 5

APR: 5

MAY: 12

JUN: 15

a graph (it got worse)

top reasons i cried: (i counted halves if my crying had two reasons)

1. Pain - 16 (37,2%)

2. Being trans/dysphoria - 11,5 (26,7%)

3. Love/saying goodbye to my bf - 5

4. Sad/Bad day - 4

5. Fight with my bf - 3,5 

6. Laughter - 3

Pain and dysphoria caused over 60% of my crying episodes this half a year 

Other reasons: 

- my bf asked my if i was crying 

- frustration

- fear of the hospital

- guilt because i made my bf sad 

day at the hospital 2

i feel a bit better today i guess 

5:00 meds

8:30 iv and breakfast (it was awful) 

9:00 toilet 

9:30 watching tiktoks in bed 

11:20 i started feeling really unwell

15:10 nap

15:45 i felt better so i washed my face and brushed my teeth 

16:00 texting 

16:30 playing minecraft

17:30 im not feeling well again

i dont remember the exact times but i ate some food my mom brought me and i got some more pain meds later 

20:50 watching some asmr on my headphones to distract me from how much everything hurts:/

21:50 minecraft 

23:30 i took a shower 

00:30 watched asmr 

spend a day at the hospital with me :p

5:30 medicine and blood work

8:00 breakfast 

8:30 stool sample

10:20 another stool sample 

11:00 some games on my laptop

11:50 nap

12:30 dinner

i forgot to continue this lol! but i was napping a lot and nothing revolutionary happened 

now its 22:22 and i feel good bc i got some pain meds and then i even showered! i'll probably watch some minecraft stuff on my computer before i go to bed. 

im depressed because im sick

i cant do this anymore ive been thinking about going to the er but im scared they wont tell me anything or they will keep me there for more than a day and i have more exams this week but it hurts so bad i cant function normally i go to the bathroom every hour and i stay there for like 30 mins and i have to shove a cloth in my face not to scream in pain and im shaking. on sunday i had a high fever and a lot of blood. i dont know what to do this is making me go insane and i feel so alone in this 

im sick :/

9:40 wake up

10:00 breakfast 

10:30-11:30 kitchen cleanup

11:35 wash face brush teeth

11:50 ibs flare up (it was actually something a lot worse)

12:15 laundry

12:35 working on assignments 

13:30 cheese and crackers 

13:50 finishing stuff for tmrws final

15:20 laying on the floor bc i dont feel well :/

16:30 dinner

17:00 assignments

18:30 another bad ibs flareup

19:10 drawing

19:40 snack

later i drew for a bit but now i feel like a have a fever i have to check 

i do 🫠 i just took some meds (21:50)

now its 00:16 and my temperature lowered 1*C but it should be another 1*C lower to be normal 

drawing today took me over 4 hours (i recorded 235min on forest app but it was more) bc i have a final tmrw

 im also sick and im worried that it has to do with that "ibs flareup" and it might be more to it... symptoms like these are either cancer or some incurable bowel disease 

today i went to the library with my boyfriend and i was working on my drawing assignments for almost 4 hours (232 mins) but i only studied for 10mins and i have an exam on monday.....

friday no exams!!

i dont have any exams today

i went to class but it turned out i cant start it at 10:30 today but 13:00 so i went to the library to print out some stuff like i wanted to yesterday but it was closed 😮‍💨 so im going back homee 

i ate a donut at home and went to class and now im going back home once again and im hungryy 

i finished my last class at 19:00 and now im going to the mall with my bf

now its almost midnight and when we came back from the mall we ordered a pizza and now im cleaning up the kitchen bc its really bad 😬

i also had a drink and my tummy hurts 🤕

thursday - exam day

spend a day with me :p

6:20 wake up

6:40 breakfast + quick studying + getting ready 

7:20 public transport

8:00 exam ( i did well )

8:45 study 

12:00 oral exam (i passed but im so mad i had to wait 3 hours) i also forgot to go to the library to print some stuff out bc of this. i also feel like she was asking me the hardest questions she could come up with 

12:15 public transport 

12:35 buying milk and eggs

12:50 back home

13:20 nap

15:00 public transport

15:30 class (i was super late)

18:30 waiting for my friend 

18:40 public transport

19:00 home and snack

20:10 nap

later i went for a walk with my boyfriend and it was nice 🔥

im so burnt out

8:15 wake up

8:35 breakfast (and study)

9:00 get ready

9:30 public transport

10:00 lecture 

11:00 exam

12:05 public transport 

12:20 groceries 

12:50 snack

13:10 spending time with my bf and resting (my head hurts)

15:00 studying

15:20 packing the dishwasher + cereal break (my head hurts and i cant focus) 

17:00 bit of studying but mostly NOTHING i feel SICK 

18:15 cooking and eating dinner (and also my parents called)

19:10 trying to study

21:05 nap on the floor 

21:30 talking and studying with my bf 

22:30 snack and reading notes 

00:00 shower

my monday and tuesday

7:45 wake up

8:10 breakfast

8:25 coffee

8:35 getting ready

9:00 public transport

9:30 turning in my homework and stuff

10:30 studying in school 

11:00 lunch with uni colleagues (i had 2 sausage rolls and a juice)

12:15 class

14:45 public transport 

15:10 dinner 

15:40 rest 

17:00 playing minecraft and listening to recordings of notes

17:30 snack and talking with my bf 

18:30 studying

20:05 break 

21:20 studying 

22:30 break

22:50 shower

23:30 studying

00:10 getting ready to sleep

0:40 goodnight

sleep bleeeeeh

6:10 wake up (i couldnt get out of bed)

6:35 breakfast

7:10 get ready 

7:25 public transport

8:00 sculpture final last adjustments 

9:30 sculpture final (im annoyed i didnt get an A or even a B+, i thought i did well :/)

10:30 lunch with uni colleagues (i had a mcdonalds wrap)

11:15 public transport 

11:40 back home

12:30-15:40 studying with 2 breaks (20mins each)

15:40 stretching my back and emptying the dishwasher 

15:50 laundry and snack

16:20 getting ready 

16:45 public transport

17:00 class 

20:30 public transport (IM SO TIRED)

21:00 dinner my beautiful boyfriend made for me 

21:30 coffee 

22:00 study

22:45 break

23:00 study

00:00 shower 

00:35 study 

01:05 gettimg ready for sleep 

1:35 goodnight

sunday

studying because finals soon 🫡🔥

total study time i recorded on forest app🍀: 301 mins 

9:30-10:30 wake up and hang out with bf

10:30 - 11:00 breakfast 

11:00 - 11:35 coffee

11:35 - 12:15 drawing homework

12:25 - 14:20 - studying (with 20min break)

14:20 -15:20 cereal and break 

15:20 -16:05 drawing and studying

16:05 -16:45 dinner prep

16:45 - 17:20 studying

17:20 - 18:20 dinner 

18:20 - 20:10 studying 

20:20 -21:30 playing games and listening to recordings of my notes 

22:10 - 22:40 studying

23:20 sandwich 

00:00 shower 

my saturday again

total studying time (that i recorded on forest app)🍀: 286min

10:20-11:10 waking up, checking emails and hanging out with my bf

11:10-12:00 making breakfast

12:00-13:10 breakfast and coffee time :D 

13:10 -13:20 bathroom and brushing teeth 🪥 

13:20 - 13:40 sorting my work (art finals soon🫡)

13:40-14:00 sage tea rinse for my scratchy throat 

14:00- 16:10 studying

16:10-16:30 dishes and snack break 🍌 

16:30 - 17:30 studying

17:35 - 18:10 drawing homework

18:10 - 18:45 break + eating leftovers

18:45-19:10 getting ready

19:10-20:00 grocery trip with my bf 

20:30 - 20:55 studying 🫡

20:55 - 21:20 breakkkk

21:20-21:35 studying

21:50 - 23:10 went for a long walk 

23:20 - 00:00 studying

00:40 shower 

1:15 sage tea rinse 

1:40 goodnight