writing fown every time i want something

start 14.03 02:20

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11 mar dream

my friends friend (the one who draws cool dogs) invited me to sing a song in front of people (ffirst it was a song in my native language then it changed to hamilton but i didn know the lyrics it was embarassing) and my bf was in the audience and he left as soon as we finished singing with a face like he really hated it and judged me for it. 

then i talked to my friend from uni (D) who wore a coat like at q camp and think this whole dream was just q camp? 

i found a card/letter outside and it had "cheers from (my hometown)" on it.

then we went into some weird manmade cave tunnel and the walls kept changing, round bricks, green stones, bricks, sandstone, and other stuff. then it got really tight and i got scared but i laid down to fit through it and held my breath. i also think the floor was moving so i passed through. we were supposed to do some qssignment at the end of the tunnel but there was a girl we couldnt recognise sitting there and she was suspicious and then she pulled out some kind of knife?? i ran out to tell someone older but all of the teachers looked suspicious too amd i didnt trust them

finally i found someone i could trust but she was like in the middle of a pool and kept talking about some kind of ship and that she met the pope on a ship 

dream

a scary woman from my city was chasing me bc i was sliding around in a desk chair. she had a daughter

my aunt M called me by my name. she was skinny

mom was in the desert mesa but lowkey in asassins creed but she was in the sun for too long so she started taking damage and i tried to help her but it was too late 

x(

i feel like my mental health has been declining recently without me noticing it before. ive become anxious about many things. i noticed id started genuinely believing something bad is going to happen to me and ruin my life. i dont have a logical explanation for it and i try not to think about it but i feel like something terrible will happen and its just a matter of time and i cant enjoy living because of it. ive been experiencing ocd-like symptoms for a long time and my bf brought it to my attention just today 

i really dont want to go to the psychiatrist or anyone for that matter. i'll probably leave it alone and hope it wont get worse. it might.