how i spent my saturday

come spend a day with me

9:20-9:30 wake up

9:30-9:45 making breakfast

9:45 - 10:00 eating and drinking iced coffee

10:00 bathroom and stuff 

10:45 changing clothes and taking meds 

11:00 packing, getting ready and taking the trash out (there was a lot)

11:10-11:40 public transport (i played good coffee)

11:50-14:30 studying in the library with short breaks

 

15:00-15:15 public transport back (im SO hungry)

15:15-15:30 small food shop trip 

15:45 cheetos and juice 

16:00-17:00 making dinner

17:00 eating and lying down and resting

18:20-18:40 public transport

18:40-19:30 shoppingggg 

i bought some stuff for tmrw and also a gift for my boyfriends birthday :D i bought him a cd with a recorded concert of a band he likes and some candy

19:30 - 20:00 back home

20:00 - 21:30 talked with my parents over the phone and ate a chocolate muffin, watched tiktok in bed

21:30 - 21:50 some back pain excercises 

22:00 - 22:45 doing the dishes + kitchen cleanup 

23:00 youtube and favorite yogurt

23:30-00:30 shower and all the bathroom stuff

00:30-00:40 making the bed (a little cleanup)

00:40 - 1:00 watching asmr and goodnight

29.05

i cant think about my feelings or i will become depressed again!!! 

I GOT DRY SOCKET

i cant believe this D:    i was careful .. i got it kinda fixed but didnt sleep at night and it still hurts bad 

ugly emoji today

ok bye

:(((((

ahhhh i feel horrible and hungry and everything is terrible and i cant do it anymkre

i dont wven know what to write here

im going to shower now 👍

my back hurts so bad too

i ate too much yesterday

and a lot of these cals are from alcohol

i have to eat less but i dont have a scale and it would motivate me if i had one :( 

but my current bmi is around 23/22 but i neeeed it to be lower

im a man

lately im feeling really masculine and i came to the conclusion that im definetly a guy, not anything else.

i really need to get hrt asap. but i dont know how i would do it. i need to speak with my parents about this but i dont know how. 

my dysphoria is getting worse and i cant go in public without a binder. ive also been thinking of buying a packer. i cant look at my colleague who is already on hrt without wishing it was me, its eating me alive 

may

weight:(

i feel fat even though i lost some weight recently but i gained a little bit in two weeks.. i feel like i should start eating less and counting calories😬 im already doing it sometimes but noone can find out or they'll tell me to stop and pay attention to what im eating. im not starving myself or anything but i feel bad for eating so much pizza today:/ i know i felt really bad when i first had an eating disorder but now im starting to get these thoughts again sometimes 

cw: 66.5

lw: 65.9

hw: 75

tracker pic so i dont lose it :p

:(

 i dont feel well and my teeth hurt too, i think i'll have to get the last two pulled out
i feel kind of lonely again. i lowkey miss one of my friends but we dont talk anymore :/  
all my  other friends are busy this weekend and im very bored and i feel like im wasting my life 
no wonder i was depressed when i was younger when my life looked like this every day.
i dont know what to do anymore