i feel so sick

im so tired. im too tired to cry. everything hurts me today. sometimes for a moment i wish it was some kind of a bad illness. only because it would be taken more seriously and maybe even cured. i cant do anything. i have an exam next week. im so scared. 

i dont think my boyfriend gets it.

at all.

i feel so alone in this. but i also stopped telling him stuff about my sickness bc if feels like im bothering him. i think sometimes he would rather not hear it. a specific place in my abdomen hurts often. i dont know if thats bad or what. theres a lot of blood sometimes. i dont know why. im going to the hospital next week. i really dont want to.  

i want to cry but i cant .