rested

i've been sleeping super well this week 

i go to bed at 1/2 and wake up at 8/9. and feeling good!!! yaay

creeper? aw maaaan--- CAUSE BABY TONITEEE

THE CREEPERS TRYNA STEAL OUR STUFF AGAIN

luckily this guy is behind the glass haha u cant hurt me motherfker

cycling in the rain

today i was riding my bike in the rain and i loved it :) also i tried to ride with one hand. turns out i can raise my hand quickly up while riding. im proud!

BIIIG album cover here

this took ages. 

i had a good day

i had a good day today and its super nice. therapy. walk to the playground. singing.

how i cope with missing her

should be noted that this person is actually still alive, but left me and changed so much that i no longer know them.

she loved strawberries and the sunset.

She loved flowers on meadows.

She called herself the moon to my sun.

I thought she cared for me and was always there for me.

She loved halloween.

She liked pictures,movies. loved walks at night.

She was studying japanese.

She had so many dreams.

She thought of death so often.

She thought death was beautiful

cry today, smile tomorrow

anthony ramos - the actor of john laurens in hamilton.

i love his voice! also i think the song is beautiful

i dont wanna go to church :(

i had a meltdown today because mum told me we're going to church at the MORNING when i usually sleep. dont mess up my fucking plans okay? also i feel so bad in the church i cant even describe it. everything is wrong there

todays progress on the hill

jefferson's autism

okay so i just found out that Thomas Jefferson was probably on the spectrum and it shocked me! my special interest is Hamilton now, but i also research a lot about ASD so hearing that news combined the two together. 

I know Jefferson was a bad person. It just calms me down that everyone can be on the spectrum and its not as rare as i thought it is. Even historical characters were autistic. That's cool. Also i love the way Daveed Diggs played his role!!! 

stomach sickness

i went to doctor today and he gave me lots of pills. i could just have some IBD, noone knows. and a long list of medical tests to go and check. 

i also have to eat my meals regularly and improve my sleep routine. and no sweets. a lot of meals i eat are pretty sweet and i have sensory issues what do i do? i want to feel better already. and i'll try to go ride a bike once a couple days... we'll see.

how do you write like you need it to survive

my hamilton drawings

Angelica Schuyler!!!

Laurens

And, my favourite (drawing, not character lmao) Thomas. This is heavily inspired by someones drawing but i drew this like 3 days ago and i dont remember whos the artist... anyway here you are

the counting theme theory

something to share! this whole video is amazing and both lin miranda and the producer of the video are geniuses!!!!! 

https://youtu.be/1qXsFs2ywMo

better go and watch right now. my mind is blown!!!

my life is a lie

trigger warning! suicide 

my cousin just told me the truth. i was told that my dads younger brother died because his heart stopped - the truth is different. he's an another person who commited suicide in my family. there was a couple of them, but this uncle was "closest" to me and noone ever told me what actually happened. although my cousin knew! and she didnt even know this man. why would they lie to me??? how crazy is that--- how many things are there that i have no idea of?????

hamilton funfacts at 5am

● a. hamilton's hair was actually red-ish

● hercules mulligan was about 20 years older than the rest of hamsquad!

● (thats for non american ppl) hamilton is on the 10 dollar bill and washington on 1.

● there is some evidence that laurens and hamilton were actually in love with each other, looking back at their letters.

● lin miranda and jonathan groff (king george) are close friends !!

● all shots from hamilfilm were shot in 2016, but the film was published 4 years later.

edit(1) 21.07

● Anthony Ramos (Laurens/Philip) is in a relationship with actress who played Peggy

● An actor who gave his voice for Lion King's Simba plays George Washington

● Noone from the original cast is performing with hamilton right now.

edit(2) 23.07

● Jefferson was autistic

● Hamilton was inspired by a book

● It took 7 years for Lin to write the musical

edit(3) 25.07

● Alexander had 8 children. Philip was the oldest one

● In take a break, Philip keeps messing up on the number 7, "sept" in french. Then later he gets shot on the same number.

● The number of songs is whole musical equals the number of years alexander lived.

● James Madison coughs very often - its related to his mother who was sick and died.

● John Laurens was in fact gay (it's not only a fan theory, its historical.) but had a wife to please his family. he also had an affair with hamilton.

edit(3) 29.07

● there were actually 15 of schuyler siblings.

● Daveed Diggs plays one of the most important roles in the movie "wonder" - the teacher, mr Browne.

● The only song Alexander doesn't have a part in is Wait For It.

● The cast were once performing the show in the white house in front of Obama.

● Renee (Angelica) is the oldest one from the cast.

● In guns and ships Daveed says about 6 words per second.

my biological clock is shit right now.

i cant sleep and its 5:30am. 

hamilfilm : hamilton

i watched hamilton yesterday. so many emotions i cant describe...

hamilton is favorite thing  now :] and i cant shut up about it

also i think i have to make a list of my comfort characters!!!! this would be awesome

dont throw away your shot !!! :•)

so much anger

how dare they be like that. these people called themselves my friends and now laugh at me for no good reason. and hate me. also no reason. im tired of them. they just create a toxic circle, not a healthy relationship and support. all they say is bullshit

i mean fuck fake people 

m:i 4 went bad

wow im not easily bored by movies but i couldnt finish this one... so boring, feels like theres no plot and everything is chaotic, at least for me.

mission impossible: fallout

today i watched this movie and it was really good! i like it. my favourite character is luther! id prefer if this movie (the places clothes etc) was more colourful tho, cause most of the scenery was pretty grey-ish. 

breakfast

hi! im just sitting here eating pancakes and thinking about that people who i was friends with for two whole years hate me now. its really hard for me.

weather

i love rain so much!!!

the world becomes fresh and new. its cleansed. also im getting best sleep when its raining

la casa de papel with my dad

i sometimes join my dad when hes watching this show and it seems pretty nice but very stressful haha. i like the colour palette. im still not sure who is on the bad or good side, but its fine. anyway, its pretty interesting. i recommend to watch if youre not bothered by people with guns and violence in general

big mc plans

i want to build my dream room in minecraft!!! wish me luck

fish are sad

today was the fishing tourney with this guy

pic belongs to ign.com 

 i only caught 5 fish, what a shame. however i collected the pufferfish ! thats nice

no netflix for the gays

my parents dont want to share their netflix with me cause they think its not possible + they dont even want to try :))))))))))))) 

starting with frogs

to distract myself from loosing friends i've been hyperfocusing on frogs. im making a big document about them. i think im going to share later!!!

the end

my friends said they don't want to be friends with me anymore. 

shops gonna upgrade

my shop in acnh is going to change into this bigger one tomorrow 

pics not mine ok, just google pics

scary movie 5

oh my god this was so... bad.

at least i got a reference from inception which is one of my favourite movies. so yeah, some moments scared me but most of the time my thoughts went what the fucking fuck.

mean girls

i watched mean girls today pretty chill to watch.made me believe that saying the bad truth can turn out beneficial to you

food i love

food gallery!!! yas 

ru pauls drag race quarantine episode

just watching the quarantine ep. and it feels a bit boring. also they talk with all the queens, with these who got eliminated earlier and there are some of them that i dont like and they are kinda mean or selfish... theres nothing new here, theyre just talking about their experiences. 2/10.

oof

my friend raised her voice at me and i said that im scared of it. they ignored it and shouted louder... i am oversensitive, i cant handle things like this, im crying 

feel-good checklist

something my therapist recommended that i do

□ can you breathe well?

□ is your stomach hurting?

□ do you need to be alone?

□ are you overstimulated by sounds?

□ are you overstimulater by lights?

□ smells?

□ textures?

□ are you stressed?

□ are you too hot or cold?

□ are your clothes bothering you?

□ do you have a headache?

□ are you feeling lonely?

□ do you need a shower?

□ are you dizzy?

□ do you wanna throw up?

□ do you feel sick?

□ do your muscles hurt?

□ did you spend a lot of time with bright screens?

□ are you dehydrated?

□ do you feel a lack of pressure?

with friends and sad

im having a sensory overload being on a sleepover with my friends. i just need silence and being alone, but i cant. god i think im gonna cry. also i didnt take my meds today. sounds horrible and in fact is tbf

drag race szn 12

oh noooo

nicky doll got eliminated : (

now im sad, i loved her performances and outfits

terraforming

i finally unlocked modifying the terrain! now i see how much i have to change up on my island. btw i reached 150 ours playing time

slimeish thing

i love this. its light, non sticky, you can model it however u want. the colour isnt Perfect (i dobt like neons) but i still like it vry much.

its some kind of foam balls with something that glues them together

oversensitivity

today my therapist confirmed that i have sensory issues - i feel things few times more than others, ex. sounds, lights, touch... its also an ASD trait, but i dont want to tell her that i suspect being autistic right now. maybe later.

anyway heres a picture that reminds me of the game barbie and 12 dancing princesses(?) or sth like that. a game of my childhood!

another new villager

so... today pashmina moved in

waitress

today i tried watching waitress: the musical. i think it might be okay but i couldnt finish it due to sensory overload and headache :( hope i can watch it all someday. all i know now that its about a bakery? and theres this doctor here?

"I LOVE YOU LIKE A TABLE"

ice cream

hello there im eating vanilla icecream hope yall doin good