sunday

11:20 poop 🙄

11:40 making breakfast 

12:30 breakfast and talking with my dad

13:15 meds 💊 

13:20 stardew

15:05 pooping 😰

15:20 got a water bottle and looked at study motivation online 

15:40-16:55 studying

17:00 searched for notion templates online ( i didnt find anything that i liked for free 😔)

17:25 videocalling my bf and playing stardew ! 

18:40 dinner 

19:40 brushing teeth

19:50 setting up my notion (i finally found a cool dashboard :3)

20:20 - 21:00 studying 

21:00 pooping

21:30 stardew 

21:50 chores and talking with my brother and dad

23:40 poop

00:05 stardew again

1:25 shower and getting ready for bed

1:45 searching for a PT therapist online (i really need one this year)

2:10 goodnight! 

time spent pooping🙄: 90 minutes

time spent studying

(forest app count)🌿: 111 minutes 

time spent in stardew 🐔: 205 min

depression in 8th grade

#rare aesthetics 

having an eating disorder at 14 years old

#rare aesthetics 

another productive day ahead?

11:15 wake up 

11:20-12:15 poop 🙄

12:15 probiotics

12:20 making breakfast

12:40 breakfast and coffee with my parents 🌞 

13:30 meds 💊 and texted with my boyfriend for a while

13:50 brushed teeth etc etc

i have the same sheets as this pic from pinterest 😆

14:00 washed my hair and helped my dad in the garden

14:40 studying (40mins) 

15:30 stardew valley

17:00 changing and stuff 

17:10 dinner

17:50 driving to the store, shopping

21:35 back home

21:40 pooping 🙄

22:10 house md 

23:00 bbq dinner

23:25 stardew !

hii!!

i will write my day down to be more productive!! rule: no gaming or phone for more than 1 hour at a time

10:30 started making breakfast 

10:55 breakfast and coffee

11:20 poop 🙄

11:40 brushing teeth, medication and supplements 

11:50 finishing an episode of house and tiktok time 

12:35 studying

3 min pee break

14:15 making a subliminal playlist

14:30-15:05 coloring book and listening to subliminals 

15:25-16:15 watching house 

16:15 phone time

16:35 studying for 30mins but im too hungry i cant think!!!!!!!!!!!!9

17:30 dinner 

18:15 stardew 🌟!!!!

20:10 studying 😪 for 23 mins and i had to take a break again 

21:00 stardew again ☆ for like 2.5 hours

then i watched tiktok live (coloring books and then a guy drawing )

23:45 watched an episode of house 

00:30 watching tiktoks my bf sent me (there was a lot)

1:25 shower 

1:40 teeth and skin care 

i think ill have to wash my hair in the morning ://// i hate that

im driving to my favorite store tomorrow :p

2:00 listening to asmr to sleep byeeeeeee

i love my boyfriend most in the world hes my sunshine and i miss him. goodnight 

imagine how tired i am

he's tired of me feeling bad all the time. im fucking tired too. i dont want to argue about this especially over text but it made me a bit mad. i KNOW hes tired but why would he say that? i feel hurt and upset. 

and i cried and he doesnt even know. im scared he'll leave me because im insufferable like that. other people left me for that. i love him and he understands me the most in the world but sometimes he acts like he doesnt care if im gonna cry or feel like theres a void inside my chest. not that he would make me feel these things, but wouldnt say anything if they're hapoening if that makes sense. but in real life i know he would hug me. i feel like hes two different people on the phone and irl. and irl hes much more compassionate and nice. and also more annoying(i love you). 

i feel like i should sign up for therapy. 

i also feel like hes autistic and cant feel empathy the way other people do. 

20th august

 goals for today:

laundry

study a little bit

move furniture

16th august

goals for today:

drink lots of water 

read a little

study a little 

go to the pharmacy

10:30 wake up

10:35 shitting 

11:00 meds

11:05 making breakfast 

11:20 eating 

11:40 coffee!!! 

and pooping of course... 

12:40 picking up trash from the floor but i got bored and my back started hurting too...

13:00 watching ig reels in bed 

13:25 stardew valleyyyyyy

im saving up for a furniture catalogue so that i can decorate my house 

14:40 poop

15:00 laundry

15:10 making lunch

2 mugs of water (around 300ml each)

eating lunch and watching house md

16:05 my after-meal medicine 

16:10 watching tiktok in bed 

17:15 poop

17:30 stardew valley and watching house md

had another mug of water 300ml

im a bit hungry but i dont want my stomach to hurt so i wont eat rn

19:10 making dinner and eating dinner and watching house 

i finished a bottle of water 500ml

21:00 stardew and house (again) 

also finished a bottle of water 500ml

23:30 reading old letters bc i felt nostalgic like that 

00:40 pooping 

i realised i forgot my laundry in the dryer...........

1:00 yogurt 

it tastes weird but the date on it was fine so maybe its just a different brand 

then i waited for my brother to come out the shower 

1:40 shower

god its getting late

i finished a 500ml water bottle

2:15 skin care and teeth and nighttime meds 

2:25 goodnight :p (watching asmr) 

goals for today:

drink lots of water 🥇(around 2,5l)

read a little❌️ i tried to sit down and read but i didnt 

study a little ❌️ didnt even try

go to the pharmacy❌️ my mom got the things for me 

old twitter accounts

i really wonder what my old secret twitter username was. i used to have 5+ accounts and i dont know what happened to them

maybe thats for the best bc i was 14 and tweeting about my eating disorder and panic attacks 

dreams

i went to a church with my uni class and my highschool class too i think. i was walking there with someone and they asked me if ive been there before and i said no (i think i was sick or something?) i think it was like a summer trip. we went there for a specific time but everyone was running and taking their shoes off at the entrance and throwing them everywhere

i have no idea what happened at the church i dont remember it 

then as i was walking out i met Simon from my highschool and he said long time no see! or smth like that but i didnt want to talk to him more

then later i was in spain with my parents and everything was kinda ugly and under construction.  we went to a reataurant and it was weird and all white inside no decorations and there was a small tent on each table but idk what was inside of it. it was windy inside. we got seated at the back and a young girl started dancing and performing at the restaurant. the performance included lights that made her seem like just a cartoon silhouette and then a striped figure. i felt sorry for her bc it seemed like she was forced to do it and it was like child labor of something. she had her hair up really clean and was dressed in a really tight dancing suit. i think she had makeup on too. it was weird that they let her just dance at a restaurant i was uncomfortable and wanted to leave. 

maps

 

ur so confident but i hear you crying in your sleeping bag

...

i feel mad and frustrated when i hear my father and brother talking about science. i feel like im stupid and broken beacuse i will never understand it. im not even interesed in it, i just hate it because i'll never be as smart. i know it sounds like stupid shit but sometimes i want to break something or maybe my own head open when i hear them talking. 

i feel hurt because my brother never put together the lego i bought him for christmas 2 years ago and now the box is sitting in my room. also he's kind of slowly becoming the worst person i know. i dont hate him. i think i care about him but most of the time i just cant even listen to him. he always has to be right about everything, he acts entitled and became so selfish and spoiled. im worried hes going to turn out similar my dad. 

im also hurt that my boyfriend never wears the ring i got him like 2 years ago. 

i've never ever seen him wear it. at first he blamed it on the weather and how his fingers get swollen and he doesnt wear rings. then i forgot about it for a while but now he stopped wearing any rings at all. and i get it, i rarely wear mine too but it would change everything if he just wore it out like a couple times and he never does. i get it too that his style changed a bit overtime and it doesnt go with his clothes that well anymore but why wouldnt he wear it at the beginning?:( i think about it more than i should. im afraid it was very ugly :( but i tried

i didnt want to buy a very expensive one since the one he gave me was cheap and i didnt want him to feel bad, but now idk if i should regret it? maybe it is ugly:( i dont even know where he keeps it and im scared to ask bc if its that bad he might tell me. hes not scared of talking about those things. hes very blunt and straight to the point.

:3

im at my bf's

my stomach hurts after eating everything and even when i dont eat it hurts. i dont know what is wrong with me but im worried all the time

at least im here with my bf so im not alone but we dont have motivation to do anything we just sit in his room all day mostly and sleep a lot but maybe thats what i needed. we cuddle a lot but not all the time. hes so cute and his face is really soft